We've got a walker on our hands.

Just received a "WBC" - or "Well  Baby Check-Up" from our agency for our son, which actually occurred on October 4, the day after he turned 13 months old.  And as I read down over his check-up, I enjoyed the many wonderful ways he is developing and growing.

Here's a few:
1. He now has 4 teeth!
2. He weighs 20.2 lbs!
3. He walks holding onto furniture...
4. He stands alone...
5. and He "Walks Alone (4 steps)"!!!   How precious he must look as he has learned to walk in the past month.  At 13 months old, he's the earliest walker in our little family. 

He also stacks 3 blocks, imitates, bangs blocks together and says 3 words.

Love him. Miss him. Yeah. That about sums it up.

Hope to get a new photo of him over the next couple weeks, as he heads back to Holt for his 14 month Well Baby Check-Up and will receive a package we mailed.  When we mail him packages, the agency sometimes sends a "Thank you picture" in which our son and his foster momma are sitting there with the pile of things we mailed to them. 

Thanks for stopping by the blog. :-) Have a great day! 

Some Answers to Common and Good Questions

We are asked many questions about our personal adoption experience, as well as about the process.  So I thought I'd answer a few for you.  Please comment if you have another question for us!

Is T-J being escorted stateside for you?  
He is not being escorted here.  We decided to travel there to "pick him up," so we could meet his foster family and see his culture and home country.  As part of the new Korean laws, there is no longer an escort option as of this past spring.  Escorting children stateside was part of Korean adoption for many years.

I thought T-J was coming home this fall?  When is he coming home?
Good question!  We were optimistic in thinking he would be home this fall, but we prayed we would be with him by his birthday.  Well, that did not happen for a few reasons.  South Korea issues Emigration Permission to each child.  This is done in batches each month.  For our agency, these batches are most commonly 1-3 children, maybe even 4 or 5 children a month.  As these Emigration Permissions (also known as "E.P."s) were issued, T-J moved down the list all the way to about #4 for our agency.  It was exciting to know he was so close to traveling but in August we received a call that he would not be coming home this year as the Emigration Permission quota had been filled.  So now we wait for 2013 to start for batches of E.P.'s to be issued again.  Once he receives his E.P. we will have to wait 1-2 months until we travel while he receives his VISA and necessary paperwork is done.  Our guess is we will travel in late winter, or spring to Korea to meet our son and welcome him into his forever family.

Can you post a photo of T-J on here for us?
At this time I cannot.  For safety and legal reasons, we are not to post his photo on social media.  I have lots of photos though and carry them with me, so ask to see one sometime!  

How old is he now?
T-J is 13 months old.  His birthday was September 3rd, 2011.  What's amazing is our application for his adoption was completely finished and submitted at the end of August, and little did we know at that time, our son was born a few days later! 

What contact do you have with your son? 
Right now we receive monthly medical updates on T-J and some months we receive a photo of him!  Usually, if we mail a package to him and his foster family, they will take a "Thank You Picture" with him and all the goodies we mailed.  An emailed photo of our son is our FAVORITE message in our email inbox!  We all gather around the computer for the grand opening of the photo!  Its awesome!

Is your son in an orphanage?
No, he is not.  In S. Korea, the majority of orphans are placed into foster families during their infancy, who care for them until they meet their forever family.  Some foster families foster more than one child, as we think might be the case in T-J's foster family, which is great really, so T-J will have the fun of other children around and be ready for his big sister and big brother!

Do you have any contact with the foster family?
Not direct contact at this time, but that would be so nice.  We do face a language barrier though.  We are eternally grateful to this loving family who is caring for our son.  We write letters (which are translated for them) and send gifts to the family to show our love and gratitude, and to share about ourselves with them.  We look forward to the day we will meet and have many photos of T-J's foster momma holding him.  We pray continually for this family.

Can you go see him?  Have you met him? 
We actually can go visit him in South Korea, but we have chosen not to do that because 1. the financial cost of traveling there and 2. the soonest that would be an option would be January and we really hope to bring him home soon after January if possible. We have not yet met our son.  We mail him packages with photo albums of us and mailed a video of our family so he would get to know our faces and voices.

Why does adoption take so long?
Excellent question!  Well, there are MANY steps to adoption.  If there are 100 steps to adoption, say 60 of those are pieces of paperwork, and just think each piece of paperwork has to be mailed, filled out, some notarized, mailed again and reviewed, oftentimes by multiple people in different states and in different countries.  Much of this paperwork is quite important too, on a federal and international level.  So you know how offices work and there's only so much time in the workday to review paperwork, so there's time it takes in moving paperwork and creating files and transporting this paperwork.  Another reason adoption takes awhile is the organizational factors.  The agency in Korea sets up meeting appointments for the "Gotcha Days" when families meet their children and spend time with the foster family and a translator.  These meetings take hours, as they should really, and must be scheduled.  Only a few meetings can take place each day and there are hundreds of children who have these meetings a year, which must occur on business days, so logistically, there must be a pace to how fast adoption occurs.  Another reason adoption takes time is appointment-making, decision-making, interviews, adoption education classes, getting physicals done, etc. 
A human life is being accounted for, and the government is very careful, thorough and official on how this takes place.  We are very happy to have the privilege of accounting for this little life.
As for the Emigration Permission Quota, this quota was filled, and this added wait time for T-J to come home unfortunately.  It probably added about 2 months times minimum, maybe more.  That was discouraging, and a fact we had to accept and still struggle with, as we just long to be with our son and look forward to that blessed day when we will meet! 
I'm sure you all grasp the paperwork, logistics, the amount of organization and what not that must go on, and still wonder, why don't they get these children home faster?!  It is an excellent question.  Its one this Momma asks aloud to the sky now and then.  But I am reminded of the many people overseas and here in the U.S. who work tirelessly to help these orphans find homes.  And they do try, but there are roadblocks, there are adoption law changes, and not every day is a business day, so time goes by and our little guy grows.  When I miss baby, now almost toddler milestones, I'm reminded how my mom said, "But milestones aren't why you're adopting?"  And she's right.  Man, I'd love to see first steps and watch him build a tower of blocks with great pride in his accomplishment, to feed him baby food and watch him devour a mum mum, to hold his hands at their smallest size, but there is much joy ahead, and we remember, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose who prevails" ~Proverbs 19:21.  Thankfully, he knows the best time to bring our family together - we hang onto that! 

Where can I read more about South Korea and its policies on adoption?
To read more about the state of domestic and international adoption in Korea, Emigration Quotas, and the new adoption laws, check out MPAK - Mission To Promote Adoption in Korea.  This website and the blog share much valuable and current info about the status of adoption in S. Korea.  Its mission is to encourage Koreans to adopt domestically and to end "secret adoption" in Korea.  But it is not against adoption internationally in that MPAK believes as they state, "As an organization driven by the Christian principles, we believe it is God's will that children have families of their own," yet its mission is to change the state of adoption in the culture of Korea.  To read more about the mission of MPAK and adoption in Korean culture (why there are children up for adoption and why so many are adopted internationally as opposed to domestically with openness and why this should change),  go to: MPAK

Please let me know if you have more questions about our particular situation or about adoption in S. Korea and worldwide. There are more obvious questions, like this one: Why are you adopting?  A great question too, but its a question we hope this blog answers a little bit in every post, as we feel blessed to build our family this way.  Thank you for sharing in our adoption journey. 

Here's a quote I happened upon on the MPAK site:

"Every Child Deserves a Home of His Own." 

- Harry Holt, Founder of the 

Holt International Children's Services, Inc.

Harry Holt and his wife Bertha, were busy raising their 6 children on a farm in Creswell, Oregon in 1954, when they saw a film about G.I. babies of the Korean War in orphanages in Korea.  Acting upon their faith, they decided to adopt eight children from Korea, and in order for this to happen, it had to pass in both houses of Congress, which it did, resulting in the "Holt Bill".  In October 1955, their 8 children arrived at the Portland International airport with Harry Holt.  They began helping other families adopt, and this conviction in their hearts to adopt orphans caused an international movement and formed Holt International Children's Services, which has grown immensely, and has a building our son visits each month (check out Holt International Children's Services).

 

Valuable Jars

I'm always looking for little projects to do with my kids.  I also, like any mother, often think, "What do I want my children to know in their hearts? What lasting lessons can I teach them?"

Well, prayer came to mind, and one (of the many) thing(s) that is SO cool about Annabelle is she loves to pray.  You'll even get folded hands, eyes squished shut, and folded hands, with a precious "AMEN!" from Oliver (love that kid).  In our family, we pray often.  We pray when we hear someone is in need or ill. We pray when an aunt or friend is in labor with a baby.  We pray at dinnertime and bedtime.  We pray when passing car accidents and as ambulances go by.  We pray and praise and pray!

So while watching a Smuckers All Natural Peanut Butter jar in the sink (we love that peanut butter - goes delish with Trader Joe's Social Crackers and Nutella- yummm...), an idea came to mind!  A prayer jar!  My dear friend Tina made me one of these ages ago (do you remember that Tina?).  Its a jar with prayer requests in it.

So the Peanut Butter jar is now a Prayer Jar.  Annabelle decorated it and we spent an hour writing names on popsicle sticks of family members, friend, neighbors, ballet, preschool and Sunday School teachers, members of our church family, and people we know who are in need of prayer. 
And then Oliver decorated the second jar in which the popsicle sticks go after we have prayed. 

Annabelle picks a stick and Oliver picks a stick each evening at dinner and then we pray for those people.  Its a fun way to teach your children to pray, and to notice how God is working in others lives!  Its a reminder to pray for those who have a health concern, a move, a life change of some kind, or just pray for someone you love because you care for them and the Lord put them on your heart that day.  I also think its cool to think we will have the joy of praying for about 60 people as a family in a month!

Easy, inexpensive, fun, and very do-able with young kids, plus eternal value as we cast our cares on Him - priceless!!

Be Still

 

~Psalm 46:10~

Hmm... be still.  Something I sure struggle with ever since I started chasing my first toddler.  Just ask my husband - I struggle with sitting on the coach.  Poor guy is like, "Just come sit with me!"  So I did, today.  Oh, I saw that NASCAR race (stand by your man), and the unbelievable accident at the end.  (On another note, how cool is it that they pray before every race?  And for good reason!) 

But back to stillness.  Stillness. Be still.  I remember being still, years ago, at Lakeside Christian Camp.  I can picture this tree and I sat by it, near the lake, reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, probably 15 years old, maybe 16.  It was so quiet and beautiful out.  And it felt like it was just me and God.  There's stillness.

Recently, in reading the Bible with Annabelle at bedtime, I noticed how often Jesus would go off by himself, to be still.  He was a busy guy, teaching and preaching to crowds, and counseling disciples, that he just needed rest and peace and time with His Father.  I need that too.

And stillness is hard to come by as a mom of 2 and 1 on the way (that's T-J everyone!!).  I can't just suddenly grab my Bible, a journal and head out to a shady tree anymore.  There's children to love and raise, and a husband to support and share this awesome life with each day.  I have to be intentional about being still now.

Ya know this verse always made me think about going and finding stillness.  But lately..... God opened my eyes to more.

I need stillness with the Lord, time to just dwell in His love and seek His guidance.  But not just physically.  This verse always made me think I needed to "Be still" with God physically in a quiet place. 

But working through this adoption process, God has asked me to "Be still" in my mind and heart, and "Know that [He] is God."  The adoption process is a curvy, bumpy, mountainous road with high highs and low lows.  There are times of utter joy, and sacred beauty, but also, sleepless nights, and teary eyes.  There is a lack of control.  I never realized until the past year how much I relish control.  But right now, in regards to our son, my dear husband and I do not have control.  We are a bajillion miles apart and its the opposite time of day there, and I have little knowledge of what his day entails.  I do not know when he will come home.  I do not know the day I will see his precious face, meet his eyes, or hold his hand, or the day I will earn his trust as his Momma. Its part of the nature of adoption: uncertainty.  And many ask, "Why does it take so long?  Don't they want these children to come home?"  The answer is "Yes."  But the fact of the matter, he is a human being, and in this world, every human being must be accounted for, so our little person has to be accounted for in 2 countries, go through 2 government systems, wait on paperwork to move across desks, and officials to make decisions and new laws, for staff to learn the new laws in order to implement them, he must wait in line for his turn, and then the will let us know they need more paperwork, then one blessed day email or call America to say "Its time for this child to go home," then we'll get our travel call/email then wait another month at least for visas and medical exams and travel arrangements and schedule a formal time for us to meet our child, and on and on.  When you think about all the steps, no wonder ya have to wait awhile?  If you've ever worked in an office, you know how paperwork is, how meetings are long, and how only so much gets done in a day, and imagine facilitating "Gotcha Days" (when families meet their children), and how special the agency there wants that meeting to be - those can't be rushed, so only so many meetings fit in a day.  Its amazing about 650 children will be adopted from South Korea this year.

And so, how can we complain?  How can we say, "Let's move this along faster."  We know there are many who work hard each day for these children, who care deeply for their futures, and still, only so much can be done.  South Korea has stopped giving out Emigration Permissions this year, as the country has reached a quota they have set for the number of children they will allow to emigrate.  This is where my husband and I struggle to be still.  A quota?  Why?  And its a long, hard explanation really, for another time.  But our son was so close, very close actually to traveling.  But didn't make the quota.  This was hard to swallow.  Instead of feeling still, I battled this one out in my heart and mind, waiting an additional 7-10 months due to the quota to meet him was not good news, this was a low point.  I was far from stillness for awhile, aching, and anxious and just frustrated about the quota.  I still get frustrated, but what does frustration do?  Nothing good. 

So we wait.  We wait not knowing if we'll meet our son in the winter, or the spring, or the summer even.  That's a long time to wait to meet your child - a whole year minimum.  Trust me, this can make a mother go CrAzY!  I've had my moments.  I've shed puddles of tears and  I've had a peace that passes all understanding.  I've asked God, "Help!"  And His answer was...

"Be still, and know that I am God . . . " 

~Psalm 46:10

What?! Be still?!  And do nothing?  Just know you're God!?   

"Yes.  Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still.  Not find stillness.  Not go sit on the couch, and do nothing but think about how to fight the system.  But live...  Live life and be still in my heart and mind, with the knowledge that God is GOD!  This was mind-blowing to me.  An epiphany of sorts, that I don't have to struggle each day, that I don't have to live in frustration in order to love my child well.  But instead, to love my child well, I have to have faith and stop fighting inside.  I've heard this verse a hundred times.  I've sang the song.  I've sought stillness actively.  I've actively tried to be still. (This makes me chuckle).

And God says to just do it.  Kinda like saying, 

"I've got it under control.
Remember who I am."  

More tenderly, its kinda like saying,

"Cease all your striving, and rest in my love.

You are my precious one. 
You are my precious one."

God is telling us in this simple verse to stop trying so hard and just know that the God of the universe who loves us intimately and beautifully, has it under control.  I can't see it all the time.  I don't know how He is moving things.  I don't know the future.  And my worrying, crying, anger, frustration, sulking, and complaining are not the picture of being still and knowing He is God.  

I think its hard to give God His rightful place sometimes, to allow Him to lead me, to trust Him enough to STOP worrying, to realize truly that my worrying and anxiety and mind-racing doesn't accomplish anything, but wraps me in fear and anxiety.  Its like I'm saying, "But God...."  

And he says, 

"No. No.  Just be still."  

I think there are things we don't need to understand, or get to understand.  I believe God uses trial to discipline us, to teach us to come to Him.  

And where we thought the blessing of adopting a child would be just that - our child, it will be.  But its so much more too.  Through this adoption, we have grown in the Lord, in our marriage, in our understanding of trusting God with all things, but especially with that which we hold most sacred - our children.  We think we love them most.  But He does. 

This reminds me of Max Lucado's children's book, titled "You are Loved" about Punchinello, a little wooden figure who meets Eli, the Woodcarver.  He walks in Eli's woodshop, and Eli immediately calls him by name, to which Punchinello responds, "How do you know my name?  Eli, the Woodcarver says, "Because I made you."  This always makes me teary and if you do not yet have this book for your children, get it!  This is an illustration of God knowing each one of us, His creations, and we might be surprised how well He knows us.  He knows our son already.  He made him.  He made me and my husband, our daughter and our son, carving us, making us a certain way.  And He decided to make us a family.  He knows the day we will be together.  He knows the right time.  I'm so thankful to be still, and know He is God.

 

So if I can give you any encouragement, its to enjoy the peace God offers us for trusting Him, for giving it to Him, for having faith in who He is, and you will feel that burden literally lift off your shoulders.  Its amazing.

And lastly, that it wasn't as easy as just doing it, just deciding to be still in my heart and mind.  I had to ask God's help to give Him my pain, my sadness, my thoughts.  I asked my husband to pray for me.  I couldn't live sad, everyday.  I couldn't change my heart though.  God had to work in me, and He gently led me to this place of peace, and there are hard days still, and days of anxiety ahead I know.  I'm human, I feel things, a lot. I miss my son. But He knows that.  He knows me, really well.  He made me this way.  So, its like turning to face the sun to feel the warmth on your face, instead of going inside on a gorgeous day when you're sad.  I'm going to go find the sun (Son), and sometimes I'll have to ask Him to take me by the hand and pull me outside, and then I'll remember, ah yes, this is where I should be, remembering His promises, His power, His sovereignty, His love and feel the blessing of stillness with Him.

This verse sits my windowsill where I do dishes, where I do my thinking and need encouragement.  (I love posting verses around my house, don't you?)  

p.s. The other day my daughter sat at the kitchen table singing the simple melody, to herself "Be still and know that I am God," and it was beautiful.  May that verse never leave as that melody lingers in her mind all her life.  This is it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtflAXHh-jk

Our Little Artist and Prayer Warrior

We have an artist in our house who creates soooo much artwork I don't know where to put it! Saying that Annabelle LOVES to color is an understatement. Watching her color and learn to write is such a cool way to see how she views the world and how she has developed with her motor skills. What's been especially fun has been watching her stick figures develop and take on more attributes. Stick figures, rainbows, flowers, houses, trees and "designs" are her favorite things to draw. Below is an example of her recent work - drawings of her family, our family. At right is a picture Annabelle drew (without ANY prompting) of she, T-J and Oliver on the evening we celebrated T-J's 1st birthday.  She draws these everyday at home at our kitchen table. She comes home from preschool with these drawings in her backpack. Its neat to see our little family is on her mind. And though our daughter has never met her youngest brother, she LOVES him. She talks about him, like she is talking about the weather in front of her, he is at the forefront of her mind and heart everyday, all day. Its been this way actually since the first time we saw his photos pop up on our computer on referral day back in March. She was praying for her baby sibling even before that. At bedtime tonight, she prayed for T-J that "he has a good day and eats his food." God has placed her brother on her heart. As she lay in bed, she talked about how "crazy" he will be "running away from us" and how we would have to run after him and catch him. Kinda funny to picture, since this is often what we must do with her 2 year old brother, Oliver. We chase him as he giggles hysterically running away, hoping we are in hot pursuit of him. Annabelle's capacity to love so fully and joyfully, to long for a brother she has never met, to pray for him morning, noon and night is awesome really. Its special, sweet, and childlike, so hopeful and beautiful, and an encouragement to my weary soul which tires from missing him terribly, to know one day she will laugh with him, and chase him as he will run away from us, just as every silly toddler does....and she once did too.

Don't you just love how we are always holding hands?