I'm Thankful

Its that busy time of year, where its not possible to check off all the boxes on the "To-Do List", so the list seeps into tomorrow, but the fact that tomorrow is Thanksgiving caused me to get on here and do a post, first to say...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Then to say, I'm thankful for my you, my little T-J.  So thankful.  And you're not even home yet. And though it is so hard to wait to meet you, its okay.  I'd wait and wait and wait and wait and wait for you.  And I know Daddy would too.  There is a thread which holds us together across the miles, and you are with me in my heart in every moment.  So at the Thanksgiving table tomorrow, I will be holding you ... in my heart. Though no one else can see you there, you're there in my heart and though I'm sitting there with dear family, my mind is also miles away with you.  I love you.  I look forward to next year when we have three little wigglies sitting at the Thanksgiving table, you my third Wiggly experiencing your first American Thanksgiving.  Start anticipating T-J now - Thanksgiving dinner is soooooo yummy! But more importantly, always be thankful.  There is much to be thankful more, far more to be thankful for than about which to be sad.  God is good.  He is so good and when you dwell in His goodness, a peace dances in your heart, a peace that passes all understanding.

Oh, your sister just surprised me by silently walking into the room ... scared me! Eek!  Oh but wait til you see her when she wakes up in the morning - prettiest thing you'll ever see.....

Happy Thanksgiving T-J!  Mommy loves you.  Daddy loves you.  Jesus loves you.

Happy Thanksgiving Friends!  Enjoy the turkey and the family and friendship and those God has given you to enjoy Thanksgiving with this year.  My "HOLD-ONTO-TRADITION-AS-MUCH-AS-POSSIBLE- SELF" has matured in the past few years and I've learned each year holidays are a bit different, and you can't keep holidays exactly the same, so enjoy the differences each year - the new faces, the different foods, the new locations at which you get to enjoy Thanksgiving or Christmas.  While tradition is lovely (and I love it), don't miss out on the blessings at hand, and please........ go around the table and say what you're thankful for - I LOVE that part!

"Look at me, Mommy!"

I'm having a day.  A day where I just couldn't seem to get a grip on things, where I just kept walking past that same block in the hallway and still haven't picked it up, where I kept putting my head in my hands and asking God for patience, where I had to remind myself how much I loved the sound of tap shoes when I was 4 years old, where I had to take in my son's smile of baby teeth and freeze-frame it in my mind, knowing his smiles were fleeting on this day, as he too is having a day.  Yet my daughter has been a ray of sunshine, with constant, "Look at me Mommy"s! 

Mommy. I get to be Mommy. Its a important title, an important job, the ultimate calling - motherhood.  The person who gets to be the one to "look" at your child's creativity, new moves, cute dance, jump off a swing, etc. I'm Mommy.  The person who is sought for acknowledgement, approval, love, and a smile.  And on days where we're just feel off, or tired, children are the ultimate reminder - don't give in to despair, don't jump ship, just acknowledge that you're having a day, and look at your daughter when she asks you to, because that's the least she deserves, and she is God's goodness.

As Dori says in Finding Nemo, (sigh, LOVE that movie) - "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...."  Or according to lyrics from one of my favorite musicals, Crazy For You, "Keep muddling through..."  Because you shouldn't throw the towel in on a day.  You shouldn't wish it away.  You shouldn't crush the spirits of those who are sunshine in your day.  You place your face in the sun and feel its warmth on your face, and remember that Jesus loves you, and He shows His love with pure moments of "Look at me, Mommy." 

I'm been tired since I woke up.  I got down after reading the most recent update on the MPAK blog, completely discouraged, fearing and trying to acknowledge it may be June before I meet my son - that's enough to get you down, trust me.  That's quite discouraging.  That downright enough to make you cry, and I think right now I'm realizing I've been fighting being sad all day, and its exhausting.  Its exhausting to miss your son.  Its exhausting to wonder at the future, and have zero control, and to keep putting my trust in the Lord, and yet, I can't do otherwise.  I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be angry.  I want to trust in the Lord.

So I'm having a day, a day where its harder to trust, where its harder to just feel that peace, a day where I'm restless, and probably should just go rest in Him, and start over tomorrow.  As Anne of Green Gables says (Dear God, thank you for Anne of Green Gables.  She is a ray of sunshine in my life),

"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"   

So I will count my blessings, and acknowledge I need sleep, and praise my God, for He goes before me, and holds me in the palm of His hand.

If you ever want to talk about adoption . . .

As I've shared about our journey to adopt, many have said, "Oh, we've talked about adopting . . ."  and you know what, WE told many people that too prior to starting our process.  I truly believe God places the desire to adopt in our hearts, as He places many other things on our hearts.  I may be TOTALLY off here so don't go and quote me, but I heard somewhere 20% of couples discuss adopting to build their family.  That's a lot really!  

There are many couples who shared their story with us, God bless them.  I would ask questions and they answered, shared their thoughts, their experiences before and after adopting, their experience with their children's birth countries, and how they started the process.  There are a MILLION questions that circle through your head when you think about adopting...

- How long does it take?
- How do you choose an agency?
- How do you choose between a domestic adoption and an international adoption?  
- How do you choose which country from which to adopt?
- How much do you know about the child before you adopt him or her?
- How do you pay for an adoption?
- How do you start the process?
etc. etc. etc.

So, I'm just putting myself out there - If you ever want to chat about adoption, or you're thinking about adoption, feel free to use me as a resource.  I do not have all the answers and haven't yet completed an adoption, but I can share what I've learned so far, and about the choices we've made, and how God has led us. We've been in the process for about 2 years.  And well, we'll be in the process for the rest of our lives really, as we live out being an adoptive family. 

I remember that feeling, that longing to adopt and wondering what to do with that "feeling".  So I prayed.  I prayed that God would put other adoptive families in our lives, and ya know what? He did.  So if you've got that feeling -- start praying -- for God's leading and wisdom, for Him to unify and guide your hearts as a couple, and step out in faith that you are answering a call that the good Lord has put on your heart, simply by praying about it first.  

Lastly, for some reason - its tricky for others to leave comments on my blog - I don't know why that would be! There's no "ANONYMOUS" option here - I'm not sure why there isn't - I've seen those on other blogs. Sad, because I looooove comments. Hmmm - So if you want to chat, shoot me an email or give me a call or grab me when you see me, but beware, my 2 year old may be running away from me while we chat, so I might be a touch distracted! Ha!